Ep. 14 Bedtime Battles: Why is my child fighting me at bedtime?

Bedtime battles - we've all been there, right? Whether it's a newborn, an infant, a toddler, or even a preschooler, those nightly battles and protests can leave both parent and child feeling exhausted and frustrated. We're going to uncover the reasons behind these battles and explore practical strategies to make bedtime a smoother, more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Listen in  or watch to learn more about:

⭐️The disruption of the sleep process. 

⭐️ Too late of a bedtime 

⭐️Insufficient activity during the day 

Remember, the journey to peaceful nights is not about quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions. It's about fostering a deeper connection with your child, understanding their needs, and supporting them as they learn to navigate the world of sleep.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, don't hesitate to reach out. Join our Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions community for valuable resources, supportive discussions, and personalized guidance on your sleep journey.

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Sweet dreams! 🛌
💜 Irene 💜

Transcript

Bedtime Struggles- My Child is Fighting Me to Sleep

Irene Gouge: Hey there, I'm Irene Gouge, and I'm with Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions, where I am trained and certified as a postpartum doula, infant feeding specialist, and gentle sleep coach. And so one of the things that we're going to talk about today in this video is bedtime sleep battles.

So if your little one is fighting you for bedtime, I want to talk about why your little one might be fighting you at that bedtime and what you can do to make it a smoother process for everyone.

In our most sleep-deprived moments, our children will teach us exactly what we need in order to learn and grow into who we were created to be. These are the loving lessons we will learn, whether we were wanting to or not.

I'm Irene Gouge, your sleep coach, and I'm on a mission to educate parents on how to help their young children sleep.

Welcome to the journey.

So there are three common reasons. The number one thing that sometimes happens is that maybe there is a disruption in the child's sleep process. Sometimes this is a misunderstanding and miscommunication between the parent and child.

The second thing that often happens is sometimes too late of a bedtime.

And the third thing can be that maybe we didn't get that right activity.

So let's dive in and talk about these reasons.

First, I talked about disrupting the sleep process. One of the things that often happens, and this becomes a big misunderstanding and miscommunication between the parent and the child, whether you have a newborn, an infant, a toddler, or a preschooler, is that sometimes your little one actually could be trying to put themselves to sleep.

But we disrupt the process. And that can be super frustrating for both you and your child.

What ends up happening sometimes is we're engaging in a power struggle and making bedtime worse instead of better.

The second thing that can happen is sometimes we have too late of a bedtime, and this is actually where parents will end up fighting their child.

I actually want to share with you that you might be battling the hormones in your child's body. That's right—your child may be having a second wind. You might be dealing with a cortisol and adrenaline rush.

And so they could get a second wind, a third wind. And now your child is not tired—they're wired. And that makes going to sleep even more difficult.

Sometimes parents will tell me that they have been doing something for the last hour trying to get their child to sleep. And that's often a good indicator that maybe we missed that just-right sleep window to help your little one let go and get to sleep.

Another element of too late of a bedtime is that sometimes parents tell me they've rocked their child, fed their child, done something to help their child go to sleep, and now they put their child down on the bed, and all of a sudden, their child pops up.

That can have a lot to do with your child noticing their body. They might be very alert, very sensitive, very aware of their surroundings. They may even notice the temperature change where they've been snuggling up on you, and now they're in the crib.

That's the reason why sometimes making sure that our child is doing their own work can be helpful in the going-to-sleep process.

The third common reason parents say their child is fighting them for sleep is that sometimes they didn't get in the right activity level during the wakeful window.

Now, here's what I mean. Sometimes our little ones are not getting their floor time, getting outside fresh air and sunshine, or moving their bodies in a way that's actually going to help them use that energy they have so that when it comes to sleep time, they've moved their bodies.

They've been fed. They're ready to go to sleep.

Sometimes, I see little ones having this burst of energy, like, "Oh my gosh, I get to practice all the new milestones I'm working on right now!"

Because sometimes that will happen if our little ones didn't move their bodies enough or in the way they needed to.

So when I'm working with families, whether it's in the postpartum doula world or gentle sleep coaching, if we notice that bedtime is a struggle, I sometimes think that this is a really great indicator that your little one is saying, "I'm ready to learn to go to sleep, but I don't know how."

And so this doesn't mean we just need to leave them to cry it out.

We can actually come alongside and help them learn how to put themselves to sleep—even starting in the newborn season, all the way through the preschool years.

It's never too late to help teach your little one that going-to-sleep process.

So you might be wondering, what can I do to make bedtime smoother?

One of the key things for families is that bedtime routine.

When our children know the predictable steps of what's taking place, it actually helps them feel safe and secure.

They also need to make sure that they are satiated. Did they eat during that wakeful window? If so, then they'll be able to settle, especially if they had sufficient sleep pressure.

When our children have those elements with the bedtime routine, they can drift off to sleep.

The second part that's really important to make bedtime smoother is really allowing your child to do the work of putting themselves to sleep.

I talk a lot with families about this drowsy-but-awake state.

You may have heard that and may be annoyed with that concept, but I actually tell parents that we want to make sure we're putting our little one down awake and aware.

They need to know they're going to sleep and that we're not tricking them.

The key is that when we create routines and rhythms, and our child knows what's coming next in this predictable pattern, they can let go and go to sleep.

What sometimes parents don't realize is that sleep actually starts happening in the play window.

In my Healthy Sleep Foundations course and coaching program, where we work toward sleep-shaping success or sleep-coaching success, I actually map out the sleep window and help parents really tune in and observe what their child is communicating.

Because when we're communicating more effectively—when we're noticing what our child's body is really telling us—then our child can truly let go and go to sleep.

This helps us not disrupt the child's going-to-sleep process.

It also encourages us not to have too late of a bedtime and work with the child's body to minimize tears and frustration.

When we look at the whole picture—because sometimes we look at sleep very independently, but it's actually very holistic—we want to look at how we are eating, how we are playing, and how those routines lead up to bedtime.

That can prepare us for a better night of sleep.

When parents actually start to learn and understand their child's active sleep window—and realize their child is not trying to be difficult but is actually trying to go to sleep—parents are often relieved and really excited to see the sleep transformation happen in their home.

And if you have sleep questions, let's hop on a call.

You'll see a link with some of the free resources I share for parents.

I'd love for you to join the Loving Lesson Sleep Solutions community—a free Facebook group where we talk about sleep.

I do mini-trainings in there, and you can grab some of my free resources to help you along your sleep journey.

And again, if you have sleep questions, let's hop on a call. Let's not be frustrated, and let's eliminate those bedtime battles so that you can have a better bedtime in your home.

Thanks for tuning in to today's show. You can see all of the details and show notes below.

And as you go out into your day, I hope that you'll make it your mission to be calm, confident, and rested as you lead today.